"those eyes, things you try to look into to so you can see the good in the world...what would he give to see those eyes look at him with love and joy...yet, all he sees now are those eyes in shock as she falls to her death...'LEAVE ME ALONE!', he bellows, 'WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE?!'...the choices we make are ones that seem to haunt us, but yet are so easy at the time we make them...to save her would have meant he would have died, something that wouldn't have been good for him...yet, life when you see a person die over and over again is a life that is almost a nightmare constantly...hearing her yell for him"

"sitting there, looking into her eyes...he hears her screams, but only as background noise..almost oblivious, the world around him slows down, causing him to see the hard times...to feel nothing but the pain in his chest as he tries to see the good left...but a growing anger inside tells him to let her die, to let her feel his pain...a man torn apart by his own conscience, torn by the mere thought of holding the life of the one who nearly cost him his own years ago..."

"but all I heard was nothing..."

I blame TK Fowler for getting me addicted to The Script. But, the band has a lot of deep rooted meaning in their lyrics. My favorite song has to be "Nothing", a tale of a man looking for redemption from a lover and who drunkenly dialed her and got a cold rejection:

"And I know that I'm drunk but I’ll say the word

And she'll listen this time even though they’re slurred

Dialed her number and confessed to her

I'm still in love but all I heard

Was nothing"

I feel like I've been there, and so have a lot of guys. You get hurt, and think that by showing your emotions, the woman who let you go will take you back. Guys, it's partially true. I feel like women these days are trying more to get their man to show emotion, but to a point. The song I feel likes to point out how people need to avoid trying to push too hard to fix things and especially in a drunken stupor!

Another one I recommend would be the song "If You Ever Come Back", a great song about how a guy who desperately wants his love to come back home. I feel like it's kinda desperate, but it's a great song about how much this guy really loves her and wants to make things back to the way they were. I feel like maybe we've grown too accustomed to keeping things at status quo, trying to make sure nobody's feelings are hurt, and ignoring our feelings at the same time.

So, do I think The Script is a bad band? HECK NO!! But, as much as I love their music, I feel like it's based a lot on the lead singer's/band's (can't decide which one) issues dealing with broken hearts and being deserted by people. And sadly, I can relate...but, to quote one of my favorite songs ever..."maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year!"

Song of the day: "Nothing"-The Script

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMihKmoYfe8

"Trouble...trouble, trouble, trouble"

Ah Ray, you seem to know the words to say that make things better, yet worse for me. I love the song by Ray Lamontagne called "Trouble" for it's infectious sound. More or less, it also echoes the emotion of how a relationship with a trusting woman can save a man from the quandaries of his life. The line "she won't let me go" can run a gamut of meanings in my mind. Is the singer talking about the woman not letting him go, ruining his life? Or, how the woman won't let him run back to the old ways of his life? I cannot wait to be "saved by a woman" like Ray sings about.

But, I think it's necessary to do what is sung about in a different song, by another group...the song by the band Superchick called "Stand in the Rain" is something that I need to live my life by:

"Stand in the rain, stand your ground, stand up when it's all crashing down, you stand through the pain, you won't drown, and one day what's lost can be found...you stand in the rain"

I need to learn how to take what I'm given in life and keep pushing. "It's not about how hard you can hit, it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving!" (God I love Rocky movies!!!) Only by keeping moving and not standing still, and silent, can I really see what I need to do with my life. I hope I can see things clearer soon and start making some room for change in my life

Thank you for all who are brothers and sisters to me that I have not had. I realize that life is too short to not thank those who stand by your side. To those who are for me, and stand by my side, keep your post....keep standing, keep guarding...because, though you are watching and protecting me, I am doing the same for you. United we are stronger than we are apart...for no man alone is an island

Song of the day: "Stand in the Rain"-Superchick

No More

No more....

No more gimmicks with this blog...I started out this blog to express my thoughts, feelings, and most importantly I wanted something that I would read and think, "man, I'm glad I put those thoughts down somewhere!" I tried to turn it into something that everyone could go read and enjoy. But, it wasn't what I had wanted it to be. I tried to cash in on the commercialized success of mainstream blogs that featured daily posts and such. I need to go back to the roots of everything I first wanted with this, and never look back.

So, this is not another, "I'm Back!", or, "The Return of Mr. SME!"....cause it's not. It's simply a man stating that he will be posting what he feels, thinks, and what is beating on his mind at the moment. From there, things can go a variety of ways. But, I think I'm ready to start being honest, being real, and being myself.

Song of the day: "You Stupid Girl"-Framing Hanley

"Give me one shot"

"I am starting to be brand new...."

Man, I really love listening to some good music in times of crisis. Really seems to motivate me to do something I may not have done before. Anyway, the reason I'm in "crisis mode" (no pun intended on certain video games now) is that I am, for the first time in a long time, without a job. I was basically suspended and probably won't be rehired due to a table blowing up over little to nothing. But, I feel like I've got new things to make it better. I'm still breathing, still have a family that loves and supports me, and friends who are willing to be there for me no matter what.

Another thing that has me hoping for the best is my change in diet. By going pescatarian I've never felt better. Now, I may be a little more hungry at times than before but it's worth it. By minimizing the calories, carbohydrates, and fat I would have had from meat that isn't seafood I've trimmed a lot of bad things out. Now comes the hard part...seeing if I can survive. I'm actually pondering making entries on here to see if I can start "chronicling the life of a pescatarian" for everyone to see. So, stay tuned folks

Song of the day: "One Shot"-O.A.R.

"Manage me, I'm a mess"

I don't know what it is about Mondays, but they seem to either make or break me sometimes. I can't help but think that no matter what I do, Mondays can never have a happy median. But, I did enjoy what the horoscope in the Daily Gamecock said for my "astrological sign" in today's paper:

"Don't worry. Just get busy. Economic distress is temporary, and you still have the juice. Besides, money can't buy health or love. Enjoy what you have"

So, I may not be totally rolling in money right now, but who cares?! With the new job at Catch, I will have less stress thanks to being in a non-corporate restaurant for the first time in my life. That and the atmosphere is super laid back there. Did I mention we don't have to shave? Oh, WE DON'T HAVE TO SHAVE!!

Song of the day: "Weightless"-All Time Low

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqysowUUfnI

Questions

So, I got a few questions that have been bugging my mind lately. I'll pipe in what comes to mind but feel free to let me know what you think

1. Why are girls so caught up with boys (note word choice) who verbally and emotionally abuse them? If a guy is so hell bent on making your life hell, why come back to him? I understand the complex of, "ladies love bad boys." Well, why would you want to go back to a guy who is just a plain jerk? Knowing good and well that he constantly makes you feel less than what you're really worth inside?! I know I've asked more questions than my original question, but it's just stupidity. I'm seriously more confused on this topic than when I look at my accounting homework sometimes....
2. Why do we feel empty when we feel like we have everything where it needs to be? I lately have been feeling like something is missing, like I've got a hole in me. I've got great friends, things at 1221 are going great, and classes are not killing me. But, it just seems like something is not the way it should be. I just can't shake this feeling that something is missing from my life. Conventional and easy wisdom would say to chalk it up to a lack of a girlfriend/significant other. But, knowing where women have gotten me lately, probably is best for me to just avoid females all together. But, being honest, I'm probably going to be addicted to women till the day I die...I hate being a guy sometimes
3. When will I learn to think before I talk/text/message? I keep seeming to not realize what it takes to speak tactfully. I've really gotten into the bad habit of being overly flirtatious from the start of things, almost scaring women off. I'm 22 years old, and I still haven't learned when to "shut the heck up" sometimes. It's funny, but mainly in the comic sense of, "man, I'm pretty stupid sometimes."

So, maybe I just need to be a monk? That or go live far away from technology and people? We'll see how it all goes. But, please read through this, and give a buddy some feedback.

Song of the day: "The Body"-Close Your Eyes

(no video, but that's where you just look them up)