"but all I heard was nothing..."

I blame TK Fowler for getting me addicted to The Script. But, the band has a lot of deep rooted meaning in their lyrics. My favorite song has to be "Nothing", a tale of a man looking for redemption from a lover and who drunkenly dialed her and got a cold rejection:

"And I know that I'm drunk but I’ll say the word

And she'll listen this time even though they’re slurred

Dialed her number and confessed to her

I'm still in love but all I heard

Was nothing"

I feel like I've been there, and so have a lot of guys. You get hurt, and think that by showing your emotions, the woman who let you go will take you back. Guys, it's partially true. I feel like women these days are trying more to get their man to show emotion, but to a point. The song I feel likes to point out how people need to avoid trying to push too hard to fix things and especially in a drunken stupor!

Another one I recommend would be the song "If You Ever Come Back", a great song about how a guy who desperately wants his love to come back home. I feel like it's kinda desperate, but it's a great song about how much this guy really loves her and wants to make things back to the way they were. I feel like maybe we've grown too accustomed to keeping things at status quo, trying to make sure nobody's feelings are hurt, and ignoring our feelings at the same time.

So, do I think The Script is a bad band? HECK NO!! But, as much as I love their music, I feel like it's based a lot on the lead singer's/band's (can't decide which one) issues dealing with broken hearts and being deserted by people. And sadly, I can relate...but, to quote one of my favorite songs ever..."maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year!"

Song of the day: "Nothing"-The Script

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMihKmoYfe8

"Trouble...trouble, trouble, trouble"

Ah Ray, you seem to know the words to say that make things better, yet worse for me. I love the song by Ray Lamontagne called "Trouble" for it's infectious sound. More or less, it also echoes the emotion of how a relationship with a trusting woman can save a man from the quandaries of his life. The line "she won't let me go" can run a gamut of meanings in my mind. Is the singer talking about the woman not letting him go, ruining his life? Or, how the woman won't let him run back to the old ways of his life? I cannot wait to be "saved by a woman" like Ray sings about.

But, I think it's necessary to do what is sung about in a different song, by another group...the song by the band Superchick called "Stand in the Rain" is something that I need to live my life by:

"Stand in the rain, stand your ground, stand up when it's all crashing down, you stand through the pain, you won't drown, and one day what's lost can be found...you stand in the rain"

I need to learn how to take what I'm given in life and keep pushing. "It's not about how hard you can hit, it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving!" (God I love Rocky movies!!!) Only by keeping moving and not standing still, and silent, can I really see what I need to do with my life. I hope I can see things clearer soon and start making some room for change in my life

Thank you for all who are brothers and sisters to me that I have not had. I realize that life is too short to not thank those who stand by your side. To those who are for me, and stand by my side, keep your post....keep standing, keep guarding...because, though you are watching and protecting me, I am doing the same for you. United we are stronger than we are apart...for no man alone is an island

Song of the day: "Stand in the Rain"-Superchick

No More

No more....

No more gimmicks with this blog...I started out this blog to express my thoughts, feelings, and most importantly I wanted something that I would read and think, "man, I'm glad I put those thoughts down somewhere!" I tried to turn it into something that everyone could go read and enjoy. But, it wasn't what I had wanted it to be. I tried to cash in on the commercialized success of mainstream blogs that featured daily posts and such. I need to go back to the roots of everything I first wanted with this, and never look back.

So, this is not another, "I'm Back!", or, "The Return of Mr. SME!"....cause it's not. It's simply a man stating that he will be posting what he feels, thinks, and what is beating on his mind at the moment. From there, things can go a variety of ways. But, I think I'm ready to start being honest, being real, and being myself.

Song of the day: "You Stupid Girl"-Framing Hanley

"Give me one shot"

"I am starting to be brand new...."

Man, I really love listening to some good music in times of crisis. Really seems to motivate me to do something I may not have done before. Anyway, the reason I'm in "crisis mode" (no pun intended on certain video games now) is that I am, for the first time in a long time, without a job. I was basically suspended and probably won't be rehired due to a table blowing up over little to nothing. But, I feel like I've got new things to make it better. I'm still breathing, still have a family that loves and supports me, and friends who are willing to be there for me no matter what.

Another thing that has me hoping for the best is my change in diet. By going pescatarian I've never felt better. Now, I may be a little more hungry at times than before but it's worth it. By minimizing the calories, carbohydrates, and fat I would have had from meat that isn't seafood I've trimmed a lot of bad things out. Now comes the hard part...seeing if I can survive. I'm actually pondering making entries on here to see if I can start "chronicling the life of a pescatarian" for everyone to see. So, stay tuned folks

Song of the day: "One Shot"-O.A.R.

"Manage me, I'm a mess"

I don't know what it is about Mondays, but they seem to either make or break me sometimes. I can't help but think that no matter what I do, Mondays can never have a happy median. But, I did enjoy what the horoscope in the Daily Gamecock said for my "astrological sign" in today's paper:

"Don't worry. Just get busy. Economic distress is temporary, and you still have the juice. Besides, money can't buy health or love. Enjoy what you have"

So, I may not be totally rolling in money right now, but who cares?! With the new job at Catch, I will have less stress thanks to being in a non-corporate restaurant for the first time in my life. That and the atmosphere is super laid back there. Did I mention we don't have to shave? Oh, WE DON'T HAVE TO SHAVE!!

Song of the day: "Weightless"-All Time Low

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqysowUUfnI

Questions

So, I got a few questions that have been bugging my mind lately. I'll pipe in what comes to mind but feel free to let me know what you think

1. Why are girls so caught up with boys (note word choice) who verbally and emotionally abuse them? If a guy is so hell bent on making your life hell, why come back to him? I understand the complex of, "ladies love bad boys." Well, why would you want to go back to a guy who is just a plain jerk? Knowing good and well that he constantly makes you feel less than what you're really worth inside?! I know I've asked more questions than my original question, but it's just stupidity. I'm seriously more confused on this topic than when I look at my accounting homework sometimes....
2. Why do we feel empty when we feel like we have everything where it needs to be? I lately have been feeling like something is missing, like I've got a hole in me. I've got great friends, things at 1221 are going great, and classes are not killing me. But, it just seems like something is not the way it should be. I just can't shake this feeling that something is missing from my life. Conventional and easy wisdom would say to chalk it up to a lack of a girlfriend/significant other. But, knowing where women have gotten me lately, probably is best for me to just avoid females all together. But, being honest, I'm probably going to be addicted to women till the day I die...I hate being a guy sometimes
3. When will I learn to think before I talk/text/message? I keep seeming to not realize what it takes to speak tactfully. I've really gotten into the bad habit of being overly flirtatious from the start of things, almost scaring women off. I'm 22 years old, and I still haven't learned when to "shut the heck up" sometimes. It's funny, but mainly in the comic sense of, "man, I'm pretty stupid sometimes."

So, maybe I just need to be a monk? That or go live far away from technology and people? We'll see how it all goes. But, please read through this, and give a buddy some feedback.

Song of the day: "The Body"-Close Your Eyes

(no video, but that's where you just look them up)

"something's watching over me...like sweet serendipity"

To be able to follow an artist's rise to "fame" is something that is great about music. Now, many artists tend to fall once they gain notoriety, or become something they are not. Yet, for some reason, Lee DeWyze seems to have grasped the very nature that made America fall in love with him when he was on American Idol. So, maybe I'm a hopeless optimist, but I think he'll be here a while, and I'll even bet he won't change who he is for the fame.

Class has been kicking my butt lately! It seems like I'm not gaining any motivation to get a head start on assignments, and seem to still be in "break mode" in terms of working on school work. Doesn't help that this week is the first full week of school! But, with some discipline and some motivation from within, this will be a semester to remember. Just maybe no near crash and burns this time? (lol)

One thing I'm really excited for is actually Mondays and Tuesdays. Originally, I thought these days would be kicking my butt in terms of classes and hours, but I may have judged things too early. I've really come to enjoy the classes I have and how each seems to fit me. Now if I can just find that fire that made me succeed late last semester and apply it to the start of this one!

Song of the day: "Sweet Serendipity"-Lee DeWyze

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcEG72N5No8

Dearest 2010, (part two)

So, in the last post I talked to you about how friends and relationships shaped my 2010 a lot. I failed to mention in my last post about a few great friends that have kept with me through everything and I wouldn't be anywhere without them. So, I'll give them a few heads up in here

Ryan Studemeyer: Great friend for many years. Without him, I would be lost and not having a sense of brotherhood that he's been able to give me. And, to make things interesting, he's now volunteered to be my workout partner for 2011. So, someone that takes my quirks and still wants to help me become a better person.

Christian Andersen: A great friend through work, but one who still extends himself to be a friend outside of work as well. There's been many times I've had issues (especially with women) since I've known him where I instinctively text or call him for advice. There have been days where I want to yell at him for being so sarcastic and crass, but it's worth it!

Now, on to the fun topics I promised to talk about: Money and Family

Money: Being the fact that I work in the restaurant business, money isn't predictable for me. I'm thoroughly blessed with parents who still provide for me and still love me enough to continue to do so. The hardest parts where times I didn't manage my money well and would have to resort to having to go to bed after work without eating for fear of spending any money on food. Worst parts would be times where I would come home from work, exhausted and hungry, to find I had no food to eat. Other times, I would happily eat a poptart so that way I could have something in my stomach.

Luckily, in the part of 2010 that I was staying at home or at University Oaks, I was able to better budget my money and was able to take the lessons of living on campus to heart. I'm glad that I was able to take what I learned and applied it to my spending habits. Now if I can just stop spending so much on music and video games....hmmm

Family: I try to live by the idea that "blood is thicker than water", in that my family is my pulse. Without my family, I wouldn't have anything left that would be tangible and secure. My family, God bless them, has their issues. But, as all great families do, we work through them all and still find some way to make everything we do together special. I'm blessed beyond belief that in 2010 my family got to help me through some things, which in turn helped me become more open with my parents. The best part was getting off my chest some issues of my past that I wanted so badly to tell them, but was so scared I would diminish in their eyes. But, my parents continued to shower me with love and made me realize that family is forever. "Can't live with them, sure as hell can't live without them" (as my professor told me once regarding family)

So, part two of my letter to 2010 is done. I still got more to go, albeit a short little debriefing on everything left that I have yet to touch on. Part three I'll talk about some memorable moments and what changes I have planned for 2011. Expect that entry sometime this weekend or maybe next weekend, but no promises. School starts soon and that is priority number one

Song of the post: "Song for the Broken"-Close Your Eyes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AR2wJ_2Xd_Q

One of my favorite bands that I discovered in 2010. Hope to see them soon live in SC or somewhere near here

Dearest 2010, (part one)

You were a year that brought change. You were a year that brought me down, brought me back up, became the epitome of a roller-coaster. You made everything in my life amazing at times, but then brought me back to places I didn't want to go. So, in honor of it being 2011, I feel necessity to pay respect to you and talk about what all went down

Friends: While I still lived on campus at USC, I had basically no friends near me. Ya, I had friends that were from work or those that lived near campus. But, once my roommates became workout and all night study addicts, I was screwed. Well, there was only Marques, but he rarely left his room! I may have become reclusive, but, I was more focused on my studies than anything. I'll get to how this affected my studies later

Come summer time, I was more focused on working and then the mission trip than anything. I would enjoy the nights out with friends at the local bars and such in Irmo, but past that it wasn't much of anything. I think the best nights were times I spent with friends just doing almost nothing.

Once I moved into my apartment downtown, my work friends were a lot closer. Plus, a lot of times I'd go to parties or host them, since I was downtown and away from campus. The best part was being able to just sit around and just chill before going to football games. Some of my best memories were hanging around with friends and just enjoying football season. Tailgating in the cold was not a great idea!

Love: If any year was not mine for any consistent relationship, 2010 was the epitome of that concept. For me to have a stable relationship wasn't seeming to be an attainable idea. After five tries, things never did work out for me.

Ya, ya, ya. Call me a man ho or whatever you want. The five ladies listed were from August through December of 2010. Two were just one time flings that I partially regret. One was one where I thought we would be a great couple, but it didn't turn out. One is a friendship that teeters on the ledge of more daily it seems. Another was one that was a relationship that lasted a couple of weeks but ended miserably for me.

So, that's part one of my letter to you 2010. I've got more for you. Specifically, I've got my thoughts on money and family. For now, here's one of my favorites songs in 2010 for whomever reads this

Song of the post: "Afterlife"-Avenged Sevenfold

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIRNdveLnJI

You can thank Josh Schultz for getting me addicted to these guys

Back to the apartment!

So, I decided to do something sporadic. I decided to move back into my apartment a little ahead of the schedule I had previously planned. It's quiet around here right now, even with the new roommate. But, I'm liking the quiet right now. It's giving me a chance to move away from a lot of other things.

The hardest part for me with living at home was balancing work, family, and social time. I feel like I was cheated out of my break by Ruby Tuesday, as I was scheduled to work Tuesday-Saturday two weeks in a row. But, all in all, my break went pretty well

• My 22nd birthday!
• Christmas
• New Years
• Meeting new people at work, while still reconnecting with old friends

So, even though break is still "going on" I feel like a lot of what I was planning on doing for break is probably close to coming to a close. I'll post a separate entry of my recap of 2010, and I'm thinking it will be a good one since I've taken time to analyze what people have put in their entries on different blogs.

Song of the day: "Waiting for the End"-Linkin Park

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qF_qbaWt3Q

I've been waiting far too long for good music like this from these guys