Oh the joys of July...

July...usually associated with fun in the sun, fireworks, and getting out and having fun. For me, it's been nothing but people getting pissed at me left and right, friends leaving me, and making me want to just forget the whole world. It's so terrible I'm sitting in the same room as Casey, Kirby, and Carrie yet I feel so distant I can't stand it. I want to just scream for help but all I can do is be pitiful. I'm feeling worse since it's Casey and Kirby's birthday and I am supposed to be having fun. But, after more people getting mad at me I'm feeling terrible and it's showing....this sucks.

I know some of it is my fault, but to those who can say, "Matt, this is kinda your fault" with some of it, look at it from my end. I thought that people would actually be mature and not leave me but I underestimated them. I thought that the people who have abandoned me were bigger than that but it's life, and it's not what I thought it was.

I feel so bad since I came to GA to be with my cousins and Carrie but now I feel as if I'm making them feel depressed by my feeling down. I wish I could just make it all go away but I swore to myself I would never go there again...that I would never, ever, ever go to that place again...God help me

Song of the day: "The Black Parade"-My Chemical Romance